FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
