Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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