Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
