I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
did i just pee glitter
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
