I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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