At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
