your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
