I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
