Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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