Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
