this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
