The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize