I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
