I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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