I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
