I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
