my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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