Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
