Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
