Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
