Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
