Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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