I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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