through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
that may or may not have been my penis.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
