Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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