dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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