thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
