Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
