so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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