i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
