My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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