We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
