dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Every concussion has its silver lining
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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