absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
