It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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