that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sex in a hospital.. check
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
