I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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