after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
