A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
