I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
