There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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