I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
