You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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