and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
