hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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