Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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