I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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