She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
