things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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