his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
