ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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