How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
