You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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