She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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