I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
