He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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