im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
