you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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