She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize