I think I won the penis lottery.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
