i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
