becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
