he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
