Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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