How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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