can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
