Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
