I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
