I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
